After 4 calls and 5 hours, a T-mobile angel gave me the answer in 9 minutes. T-mobile refers to the interface as the Sidekick Jump Screen and it can still be accessed. Here's how to get there:
1. Go to my.t-mobile.com.
3. On the top toolbar point to "Connect and Share".
4. Click Configure E-mail on the extreme right.
5. Voila! The desktop interface is yours.
6. Do a Happy Dance.
I for one still love my phone, and will keep it as long as it's making me happy. Hopefully this post saves you some time and frustration. Aloha ~