Tonight is Tiare's "Shimmer" themed birthday party at Apartment3, and after an hour of walking around Kahala Mall last night Leslie and I found that shimmering is hard to do in July.  December, fine -- there are sequins in every shop window -- but in July, not so much.  Argh, we shall see.

Yesterday was one of those days, too long out of the ocean the 5 block walk to my home break seemed an eternity.  Even in the most demure two-piece I felt there was too little left to the imagination.  But there it was --Queens, the late afternoon sun glistening off her perfectly formed, head high walls, firing for a mile straight out into the deep blue.    I could feel it, the heady rush of blood through my veins, for what would be an exercise in hunger management.  Paddling into the lineup I told myself, "I just want three, three good waves and I'll be content,"  forever a wild stallion, satisfaction did not come willingly.  Damn, I was hungry... just kept eating it; but  getting worked never felt so good.    I did catch some fire, though; a wave took me from old age (outside) to Baby Queens, an indisputable fountain of youth.  I had a scare then.  Looking toward the island, an army of landlocked jellyfish were swimming straight for me, toes and arms flailing off their killer rental longboards,  more terrifying than a  Man-O-War.  Wtf, it's not even 10 days past the full moon.  

Rogue wave, flail flail, breath.   

Sorry, Ocean...  even jellyfish deserve the sea.  Thoughts, words, behaviors, habits, values, destiny... keep 
em positive.   Quite right, thanks Gandhi.  I took my cue, it was time to paddle in.  In 50 minutes I got my 3 waves (plus three new shiners) and made peace with the ocean, apologizing for staying away too long.   

 Lessons learned:

- Only a single fin on your nine-oh makes taking 18 second head high waves (followed by another, and then another...and then another) in a word -- daunting.
- Don't fight jellyfish, they know not what they do.
- Take the wave only as long as it lives, perpetuity is not the goal, only then will it keep it's wild beauty.
- The ocean demands respect... and frequent visits.  Follow her rules and she'll reward you.

Humbled, and a little worse for the wear, I hobbled back to the beach, a sunbeam shimmering from my  lips.  Perhaps all it takes to shimmer is a smile. ~

" flow with the ocean is always the best thing to do; to be a part of it and enjoy it is what really matters."
-Clyde Aikau, Surfer, Lifesaver, O'ahu

Justine and I volunteered at the Book and Music Festival today at Honolulu Hale which is going on until tomorrow.  They have a great book swap area where you can bring a book and exchange it for a new treasure.  Belle would've been stoked.  It's on until 4:30pm today and from 10-4:30pm tomorrow.  You should check it out.

After weeks of tumultuous-ness the days have grown more manageable.  I feel like I've gone through the 5 steps back to love: 

1. Anger
2. Hurt
3. Fear
4. Guilt
5. Love

and am (almost) back to my self.  The surf went holo holo for a while but is back for mango season.  I'm hoping to get back in the water that helps so much with my struggle to remain humble and capable of enjoying the simple pleasures of this island.  I'll admit that when I'm out of the water for too long I get a little crazy. The salt water is necessary to wash away some of the buildup in my bottomless well of emotion. 

I want to keep her.  That much is for sure.  She belongs here and she knows who she is.

Other than that this week was full of "room for the living."  We sailed, watched Princess Kaiulani (awesome), fell in love with the dance floor and the DeadBeats, Natsuko had her quarter of a century crisis party, Chris went to visit 'Bama for the first time in 6 years, Marina got back at the "bad lawyer",  cried, laughed, loved a lot.  

This passage in Krishnamurti's "The Book of Life" brought me comfort:

"There is no loss of energy in being in love.  The loss of energy is in the tail, in everything that follows - jealousy,possessiveness, suspicion, doubt, the fear of losing that love, the constant demand for reassurance and security."

The preoccupation with holding on to something, or someone forever is what I think paralyzes us from living and enjoying the present.  Change is inevitable but that change can be for the better, or at least that's my hope, for myself, for my loved ones and for our world.  

My mantra is becoming "Just ride the wave.  The rest'll figure itself out."  Watching short boarders at Bowls as we sailed from the harbor yesterday was awe-inspiring.  I watched a guy ride a wave so hard, squeezing every last bit of life out of his wave, and started thinking about my own practice, my ocean yoga aka longboarding.  I do it because it destresses me.  Maybe that's why I don't enjoy short boarding -- that and the thought of my legs in the water unnecessarily is horrifying. I feel like it requires this uber level of alertness when I'd prefer to just cruise.   Long story short, "life is beautiful when when we don't let our fears keep us from living." So that'll be my aim, my purpose.  Which ultimately is the eternal condition for success (a fortune cookie told me so).